help am in a one day relationship

By Julie Coker

Dear Julie,

I met this guy over a year ago and we have been in a monogamous and committed relationship. It is a very one-day-at-a-time kind of relationship and we never talk about our future together. We are very compatible spiritually which was the key reason for the development of the relationship. We did not have sex for the first five months of the relationship which has turned out to be one of the best things that has happened in a relationship for me. We built intimacy based on who we are together and getting to know who we are.

My question is: I want to talk about future stuff how do I do that or should I even do that? I have subtly let him know what I want but it has never turned into a discussion about it… so I am wondering if you can help me through this dilemma? Do I bring up the subject or not? I want to live together eventually… does he?  Thank you.

Vicky, Abuja

Dear Vicky,
It seems you are ahead of your partner and ready for something he is not. You have two choices – do nothing and wait for him to catch up with you or initiate a conversation. There is no way to know which choice is the better one. Listen to your gut on this one.  Subtly letting him know what you want is not one of the choices if you want to continue to have a great relationship – it’s really nothing more than manipulation.
If you do decide to initiate a conversation, here is some language that should make it pretty palatable to your guy: “You know, we never talk about our future, and I have been starting to feel like I want to. What do you see/want for us in the future?” Good luck to you